The Uniquety of Trust :: Ryan Curry
“Blue Moon” by Orbits of Bonassi Interactive Studio (Sao Paolo, Brazil)
originally posted Saturday, June 17, 2006 on Snipes, Logomancy & So So Psychosis
The context? A male model in Europe. Career newly revitalized, but then the lure of the party, the frantic awakening the next afternoon a couple countries away from the runway. The absurdity? I’ve his diary in front of me with carte blanche to post here whatever I want.
“Hello! Idiot?” I want to say. “Didn’t you just tell me about that friend who screwed you over and made you feel like an idiot for believing in him!?! Don’t you know better than that?!”
The sheer stupidity and, I might add, concomitant beauty of his trust astounds me. Why do I have his diary in front of me, you might ask? Simple as this. He ripped himself a new a$$hole by way of challenging himself to be better and wasn’t afraid to admit it to himself or to me. I told him I thought people might like to hear about that, might even be inspired by it, especially if put in a proper context.
Context? Okay. Shoot.
The context is that this person is one of the most hopeful, optimistic people I’ve ever come across. Really. But you’d never know it to read this…
Today is the day your paper walls came crashing in. Now and for the rest of your life. You’re not going to get those handout that you’re so fu*kin’ used to… Are you sick yet? Sick and tired of your bul$hit? So so many people believed in you this time! I’m not even going to ask why these things seem to happen to you so frequently. Your party habits fu*k with your head. They ruin relationships with great friends and completely stand in your way professionally. I feel… a guilt like no other guilt that I have ever felt is going to be bestowed… a pawn? a pun?… upon me. The odds are more against me than those poor lovelies way back when at the Alamo.
Those are the words of someone who knows he hasn’t got it all figured out, who is trying to be better, and who strongly suspects he is fighting a losing battle against himself. That internal doubt , that lack of fear to confront it… it’s his leg up on the average Joe. He’s in his own face throwing down a memo to self: “DON’T BE AN IDIOT!”
Now, I found it kind of interesting because this is a guy who has done a lot of things many people only dream about in the “Lifestyles of” kind of way. At which point I realize it’s all connected. The courage to confront failure and the courage to dare to succeed are one and the same. He got mad at himself by way of challenging himself. And he trusts others by way of challenge also. It’s a gift he gives, not to anyone, but to his friends. I flip through a few pages of his diary and, there, he says it himself…
Great friends are a uniquety and they should be. That’s the kind of “good” where people surpass themselves in trust. There really isn’t any more to it than that, lame as it sounds. Trust.
The fact is, yes, he’s young and sometimes dumb if not outright stupid (heads up… it doesn’t get much better at 38…), but in the best way possible. I suspect he’s going to be hurt somewhere along the way and suffer under the weight of many closest to him calling him a fool and knowing they are right. It’s true. He is a fool. Exactly, I might add, why I respect him so much. He knows better but chooses to be better, or at least to try.
He gave me permission to use his name, to “out” his foolishness, not once, but twice. The first time I wasn’t sure. The second time, just last night, he said “sure” after reading it out loud to a couple friends and seeing their reactions. I told him to ask his agent, because his career has been flourishing from just about the time I published this post the first time around and I didn’t want to do anything to set it back. If you want, you can figure out who he is, but you’ll have to work for it just a bit. It’ll add just a tad to the mystique, because now he’s in demand and I don’t need to be more careful for him than he is for himself. A model with heart, not afraid to admit failure, that’s simply got to be a feel-good story.
Call it a sly act of selfishness if you want, but the act of giving trust has this weird way of getting you more, not less, than you ask for. Except, of course, when it doesn’t. For whatever it’s worth, the “doesn’t” person who screws with my friend? He’s going to have a lot of people to answer to, that is, of course, if they can settle amongst themselves who has the privilege of being first in line.
A pretty sloppily composited X-mas pic. Melissa on the left took the first pic and I took the pic of her so we could have a group portrait. So… photo by me and Melissa, whose website I also happened to design… See www.melissaferrer.com
Ryan Curry Model and Actor now in runway model form…
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